Will I Ever Be A Grown Up?

There are a couple of things that have always seemed very grown up to me. It must be some sort of throw back to childhood, when our understanding of adulthood is limited but drinking coffee and alcohol is the epitome of adulthood to me.

Owning a home and a car and raising children just doesn’t cut it for me. Maybe it’s because those are things that I do. I am acutely aware of my adult responsibilities and the grey hairs and laugh lines that I see in my mirror are a regular reminder that I’m not getting any younger. Not to mention that at least one of my children is taller than I am and the rest are quickly gaining on me. Obviously, I’m an adult, but I still can’t handle alcohol.

Coffee was a problem for me for many years. It upset my stomach and made be extremely jumpy but I persevered. I can now handle about two cups a day. Early in the day. I adore my coffee. I get a headache without it. Nothing comes between me and my morning java.

I haven’t been able to make that same leap with alcohol. I went through high school and university being the designated driver. Alcohol held no interest for me whatsoever. I resented people forcing it on me at parties and celebrations. I learned to allow the waiters to pour me a small glass of wine at weddings and bar mitzvahs just so that they would leave me alone while the glass just sat there. A statement to the wait staff that the service is good and that I am happy.

But now I’ve discovered that I really like the taste of wine and beer. I want to be able to drink them. Not a lot, just one glass. Believe me, I don’t aspire to the martini, I know my limits.

So lately I’ve been trying to break myself in with a very small glass of wine or a slightly bigger glass of beer. My eldest son sees me with my glass, smiles, looks at me and begins fanning himself with his hand as he says, ‘Is it warm in here or is it just me?’ I’m predictable.

But maybe, just maybe one day I’ll be able to drink that glass of wine or beer without getting flushed, dizzy or sleepy and finally I’ll feel all grown up. In the mean time I’ll continue feeding my family, chauffeuring my kids, being a member of the various PTAs and all that kidstuff.

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