The Gift of PMS and Menopause

As I was showering today I was thinking about how much I hate Menopause. Now, it’s just beginning for me and I don’t have all of the symptoms yet, at least not with any regularity. They just sort of seem to pop up every now and then quite unsolicited and unwanted. Just like surprise guests at the end of summer. Wow, you really did make it up here! How long will you be staying? Said with smile pasted on and eyes wide with fear and shock.

I want to be someone who grows old gracefully, without the old part. It’s enough that I have to deal with the grey, the wrinkles, the sagging (eyelids), the verigross and spider veins but then you have to throw in hot flashes, night sweats, dizziness and moodiness. Oh the moodiness.

There are times that I feel that I am holding my family hostage to my nasty mood. I know that they would like to leave the dinner table but they are petrified that I’ll come at them with my butter knife. My husband’s eyes become shifty, not fixing on me for too long and my children actually seem to shrink in size. Are they trying to disappear? As long as they keep chewing so loudly I’ll be able to find them. Their chewing is like tin foil on a cavity to me when I’m in these moods. I should just bring out the magic bullet and serve only smoothies until this mood passes but then they’ll probably slurp through their straws anyway. I should just go eat in another room alone when I’m like this, but they want me with them! Don’t they have any sense of self-preservation? I have out of body experiences, I can actually see that I’m being completely unreasonable I just can’t seem to stop. Kind of like watching a guest at the table next to you in a restaurant have a temper tantrum. Your mouth is hanging open in shock but how do you stop a stranger?

During this same shower it suddenly hit me. I should view this moodiness as a gift. Let me explain. I have always wondered why women have to suffer (for lack of a better word) and men get off scott-free. From the onset of our first menstruation comes the realization that this is no picnic. Pregnancy and labour while definitely a joyous time of life, once again, not a picnic. What are the men doing through all of this? Pretty much picnicking. I won’t belabour the point by listing all of the pregnancy symptoms and labour experiences that men do not get to experience. Let’s just say that they seem to get off pretty darn easy.

So I have decided to see it as almost my duty to accept my moodiness as a form of female retribution. I will try to explain this to my future daughters in law so that they can convince my sons to get some professional help to overcome the lasting effects of my PMS/menopause I just hope that my daughter is taking notes.

Wow, I seem pretty nasty don’t I? I think I know what’s around the corner. Heads up family.

2 responses to “The Gift of PMS and Menopause

  1. It’s definitely trial by fire. The good news is that if everyone can hang on, it lessens and then you rise like a Phoenix and reign supreme. Well, maybe not, but you don’t feel as hot (in more ways than one) and sleeping is easier.

    • Big, I think it’s going to get worse before it gets better. Consider yourself warned. Now if someone could just warning my family without me knowing that would be great.

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