Sleepless Nights

Where to begin? Gee it’s been a long time since I posted. So long that I have to go back and check my site to see what I last wrote. The urge to write left me. We had a somewhat trying year and I had nothing to say, so that is what I said.

I’m not sure if this will become a regular thing for me again, but right now here I am. Unable to sleep and writing. Since I was awake anyway I decided to check out the blog that started it all for me. During Operation Cast Lead I became an avid follower of some Israeli blogs. The first one that I read regularly was A Soldier’s Mother. It’s been a couple of years since I’ve read blogs with any kind of regularity. In the second post of hers that I read tonight I learned that another one of her sons is about to head off into the army. Well Paula Stern, I now have more in common with you than I ever imagined I would. In just over a week my third son will leave the comfort and safety of his life in Canada to volunteer in the IDF.  He’ll be there and I’ll be all the way over here. Not knowing what is going on. Perhaps I should mention that this is my son who I’ve nicknamed ‘the vault’ for the way he disseminates personal information, my son who almost never answers his phone. His twin brother has always been the communicator which has been fine until now. They have never really been apart before this. His brother has started university and we have the gift of some extra time with just him and his younger sister. These are bittersweet days.

I’m trying to force my fears and concerns to the background. Sometimes, rarely, it works. His eldest brother told me that he feels kind of proud of his brother. I would too if the expression ‘Pride goeth before a fall’ didn’t resound in my head. I don’t want any falls.

So for now I’ll lie awake at night, let my imagination run wild, maybe do some deep breathing exercises and try to trust that all will be well. Just two years and then I can sleep through the night.  Please tell me, Israeli mothers, is it any different for you when you’re closer to where your children are serving? Or when you’ve raised these children knowing that military duty would become part of their lives? I will gratefully accept any sort of wisdom or advice that you’re willing to share with me.

I wish us all restful nights filled with sweet dreams and even more importantly, peacefull days.