A Useful Turkey

I was at the grocery store today. For a change. I saw a freezer full of very large turkeys. They were marked as “utility turkeys” it also said on them “some parts may be missing”.

Does that make you wonder? It makes me wonder. The dictionary definition of utility is “useful” or “used for more than one purpose”. So how do you think that these turkeys are more useful than say, your average Butterball turkey and what else could you use them for besides eating? They’re way to big for paper weights and too small for ottomans. I guess you could use them for door stoppers but why would that be so necessary this time of year?

Or were they previously used by someone else for something else? Is this what made them lose some of their parts? The question then becomes, what the heck were they used for? Do we even want to know? It couldn’t have been pleasant if they’re losing parts over it. What would you use a live turkey for? Other than a ‘watch turkey’ I’ve got nothing. An angry turkey would scare me away from your home but then again I’ve got this thing about birds. An angry budgie would scare me away as well. Turkey fighting? I don’t think so and that’s just gross.

So what’s the deal with the utility turkey? Is that just a euphemism for tough old bird? Could we then say that Margaret Thatcher was a utility prime minister?


2 responses to “A Useful Turkey

  1. If I try to imagine how the turkeys lose their parts, my thoughts turn dark. I don’t want to go there. Maybe a utility turkey is like a back up plan. Huge crowd, one turkey not enough, cheap and ugly back up. It never makes it to the table for carving, just sits in the kitchen and gets cut up there. Poor utility turkey.

  2. I was thinking I am a utility turkey until I read big’s comment. It is one thing to be a tough old bird, that has lost some parts along the way, versus cheap, ugly and never the main event.

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