Oh No She Doesn’t

My twins have just finished a unit in health class and were tested on it today. The unit was on reproduction. Human reproduction. Human anatomy. Reproductive anatomy. Male and female human reproductive anatomy.

Can we see where this is heading?

They helped each other study yesterday. Out loud. In the dining room off the kitchen. I was glad that I could hear it. Sort of. One of the boys was being goofy. I told him to be mature. He responded with, “I can’t, I’m not mature enough to be learning this stuff!”

I continued to listen as they drilled one another on the various body parts and their functions. It was…disconcerting. We talk about a lot in our house, almost anything is up for discussion. I’d always rather they be able to reflect on something with our moral spin in the mix than shy away from an uncomfortable conversation. But still listening to my boys discuss female anatomy in such detail was causing me to blush.

Then I heard the unforgettable question, “What is the Libya Majora?”
I had to interject, “Ah guys, it’s not a country. Check your spelling and your pronunciation.”

A little while later they asked their dad, “Have you ever performed an episiotomy?”
He responded with a, sure. So it seemed only reasonable to me that I could also add to the conversation. “I actually had one.” From their reactions you would have thought that I made them watch the actual footage – which does not exist. Once they stopped screaming and their ears stopped bleeding their dad and I responded in unison with, “It’s better than tearing.” I’m sure you can imagine what followed. They’re so sensitive!

This morning I took the opportunity to mention to them that the next time they’re thinking about getting friendly with a girl they should remember the episiotomy. Actions have consequences.

I look forward to health ending and phys ed starting again. I bet they do to.

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2 responses to “Oh No She Doesn’t

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