My Cheating Heart

I am a loyal person. I have known this about myself forever. If you are my friend or someone I care about I will defend you to the death. Don’t even think about dissing my family, my friends or my tribe. Gosh, even if you are a book that I love I will fight for you vociferously (not all book club experiences are pleasant ones).

So it is a very rare situation that I find myself in right now. I am experiencing feelings of disloyalty and guilt. In general, I don’t do guilt it is a waste of energy accomplishing nothing. But here I sit, disloyal and guilty.

My family doesn’t know what I am going through and if they did I know that they would forgive me. They love me that much. I can even see my eldest simply patting me on my back and shaking his head. My husband would probably roll his eyes. There would be no anger on his part but not much empathy either and who could blame him? I was honest with him, never going behind his back and yet the guilt is there. I put forth my argument for the new relationship, he saw my logic and agreed with a simple kiss and a word of encouragement to “Enjoy” and I have been enjoying. I have been enjoying daily until the guilt began.

You see this is how it began, we were at the cottage a few weekends ago. The weather was sunny and beautiful. I sat on our porch in my favourite Muskoka chair ready to relax and to read from my iPad. I put on my sunglasses then remembered that you can’t wear anti-refective sunglasses and read from the iPad. I took them off, it was so bright out that it was impossible to see anything on the screen. Not to mention that the iPad heats up in the sun and you get a message on the screen to turn it off. I have many, many books on my iPad that I had planned on plowing through this summer. Now, my husband never gets to read his subscription of the Economist that we ordered for the iPad because to be honest, I don’t share all that well. I am the youngest after all. We could always get him his own iPad for Father’s Day or for his birthday which we never really seem to celebrate OR I could just get myself the new smaller much, much cheaper, outdoor friendly Kindle for my own birthday this month.

Which is exactly what I did.

Did you know that you can add your library to each and every Kindle that you own? Yes, you can. I didn’t have to delete my Kindle library from my iPad, it just automatically added it to my new Kindle. Exact same library, two locations. I adore my new Kindle. It is small enough that it easily fits in my purse and it is light enough that my back doesn’t suffer. Now any spare moment that I have I can spend it reading. Supermarket check out, gas station, school parking lot. Yay! It’s so small that I just slip it back in my purse and have not forgotten it anywhere. Yes, I have left my iPad behind too many times to mention.

So this is where the disloyalty and the guilt comes in. I feel as though I am cheating on my iPad with my Kindle. Instead of recharging iPaddy nightly he only gets a boost about once a week now. I am no longer obsessing about my stats and my email. My husband is caught up on the Economist and anything else he chooses to read in bed at night.

I guess I need to state publicly, I still think the iPad is sexy, cool, innovative, creative and all around brilliant. Although I miss the touch screen and I prefer to peruse the Amazon Kindle store on my iPad I have to admit that my heart now belongs to a different ereader.

I never though that I was fickle, but there it is.

Who am I? I don’t even know anymore.
What will come next, a new brand of bagel?


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