I’ve lived with me my whole life so I think I know me pretty well. Every now and then something happens that makes me think, “Really, is that who I am?’ I’m not talking about huge things that I’m surprised to find myself doing. I’ve never unknowingly booked a plane ticket only to discover that I’m flying to India to volunteer in an orphanage. I’m talking about smaller things that are still important.
I consider myself to be very not Type A. I appreciate the Type A people in my life and in the world. They are movers and shakers, they accomplish things, they have plans and most importantly they take a lot of pressure off the rest of us. The other day my son was teasing me about the way I stack the dishwasher and put the dishes in the cupboard. Our meat dishes are four different colours of Fiestaware. I like each size of plate put away in the cupboard in a rainbow of the colours. In each stack the colours should appear in a different order. I like the way it looks when you open the cupboard and it makes it easier to set the table. Yes, I like my table set in a colour pleasing pattern. When I stack the dishwasher I put my plates in the same order that they will go in the cupboard. It makes it faster to unload that way. I don’t insist that the kids do this I just do it out of habit. Perhaps I am a little more anal than I originally thought.
I also consider myself a reader of decent literature. For years when I took the subway to university I would surreptitiously look around me to see what everyone was reading. And yes, I would snobbishly decide who I thought I could have a decent conversation with. Forgive me, I freely admit to this obnoxious behaviour. I have grown up since then and no longer judge people by their reading material. I’ve come to take an, at least they’re reading, point of view. But, I still judge myself by what I read. Here’s where the shock came in. Amazon will oh so wisely send you an email with a suggestion of books that they think you will like based on your ordering history. I opened one of these emails and my jaw hit the floor. This is who Amazon thinks I am?!! I cannot be this person! This person reads junky trash – junky trash is very cheap on ereaders. This person should chew bubble gum. This person must have implants and probably wears high heels with her shorts. How can I be this person? Amazon recommended for ME my most disliked author of sappy, sugary, sentimental drivel called truly romantic novels. Please, please Amazon don’t make any more recommendations for me, it’s just some sort of aberrant phase that I am going through. I don’t know why and I hope it will end soon. If you ever recommend Danielle Steele for me I’m going to my room to cry and then I’m deleting my Kindle App.
Don’t say I’m being too hard on myself, I have been living on the dark side of trashy novels and I need to step back into the light of literature. I hang my head in shame.