It’s Just Toothpaste

So today I was at the grocery store, again. As I was ambling up and down the aisles planning to fulfill all of our nutritional needs until Monday a little voice in the back of my head said, ‘toothpaste’. Yes, this is the kind of thing that the voices in my head say. Ah yes, somebody told me that he/she was running out of toothpaste. Or did he say that to me last week and I’ve already bought it? Or did he say that they liked the toothpaste? Or did somebody lose a tooth? Find a tooth? Anyway there is no harm in having an extra tube of toothpaste in the house. Off I went to toss a tube in my shopping cart.

When I was growing up there was Crest and there was Colgate. End of story. Oh, there was also Stripe toothpaste but that was not for the likes of us. That was bought by frivolous parents. Parents who were divorced or who only had one child whose every whim could be indulged. Stripe toothpaste was as big of a treat as Wonder Bread. Rarely purchased for our home.

As I stood in front of the monument to dental hygiene I felt as I imagine all refugees must feel the first time in a North American supermarket. SOOOO MUCH. Gel or paste? Easy, gel. Except for my daughter, then paste. Did the request come from her? Mouthwash beads? Uhmm, not necessary. At least not that I’ve noticed lately. Do I have to do the sniff test? Please, no. Advanced, to last 12 hours? How is that different/better/worse than the beads? How long does the regular stuff last? Will tuna reduce the 12 hours? How about enamel strengthening? Well sure, I want them to have strong enamel. Will they still have good breath? Why are their teeth suddenly in need of strengthening? How about the stuff for ‘sensitive teeth’? Does knowing they need braces make their teeth sensitive? Whitening teeth? Oh, I get it; buy the teeth whitening paste so that you can progress to the sensitive paste. Then there are the herbal toothpastes – but they only make me laugh aren’t they like those crystal rocks for underarm deodorant? Why don’t we all just join hands and sing Kumbaya?

I made my decision. Our regular brand, gel, Advanced last. Please let that be the right one and if it is let me remember to write it down for the next time.

We’re out of soap? Are you kidding me??


3 responses to “It’s Just Toothpaste

  1. I’m showing my age, but I remember Ipana toothpaste as well. “Brusha brusha brusha, new Ipana toothpaste”. I think it used a beaver in the commercial – black and white of course. No gel, no whitening, heck – no flouride!

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